The update, the CEP, the new friends, The Last Lecture and I

December 2010 was the most unproductive period at work. Apart from the health problem my family and I had, I seemed lost at work. Less motivation, less driving force, although I had my list of task to be completed. Some are less priority, some are too difficult to be done, some stuck half way through, some I simply refuse to do (boleh tak camtu? :)). In short, i think I just lost passion towards my work.

I thought when the new year 2011 came, it will change. Naahhh.. It didn't. So, there goes my January down the drain with very little progress at work. Hmm.. I wonder what did I do in the office. I must be doing NOTHING because I can't remember anything. That's bad!!

February came and I had to attend a 2 weeks leadership course. I was reluctant initially. Why? 1. I heard from participant of previous session saying that the course was boring. 2. I may not be able to go home everyday as the course is packed until late night. 3. I feel old to attend such course...haha. Realizing that everybody will be busy doing preparation for our R&D Day and I don't want to be part of that 'busyness', I decided to attend the course. But I set in my mind to be open, not to have high expectation, to learn and to have fun!!

Well.. I did have fun and learn a lot of things during that course. Got the chance to meet and know and work together with wonderful people from various division of SD. The course content was excellent, and so did the execution of the activities, the facilitators, the speakers. I had the most interesting and fun learning time. The course really motivates me to become a better person... a better leader actually.

I came back from the course telling myself that I want to be different and I want to make a different. It has been 1 week since I came back from the course. I think I am slightly different. Definitely not totally, but at least the way I look at things. One thing for sure is that I miss my new friends, especially my teammates and the time we spent together, which I never thought I will be. Ridzuan - the young enthusiastic Singaporean, Nadia - the pretty young lady with excellent English and a die-hard gym fan, Jag - the tallest & biggest & coolest Singh with favorite tagline 'boleh la boss', and Faiz - the cool and calm gentleman with high potential to become a great leader. They are my teammates.

I foresee that for me to become a better person (I prefer to use 'person' rather than 'leader'), it's not going to be easy. There will be challenges that I have to face, especially at work where the culture is already developed. People are skeptical when they see new change or the people who try to make the change. The biggest challenge I think will be coming from myself. I got to tell myself that although it's not going to be easy, it's not very difficult as well as long as I want to become a better person - POSITIVE and PROACTIVE!!

Today I started to read a book entitle 'The last lecture' by Randy Pausch, which I received at the end of the leadership course because I was voted by the participants as the top 5 leaders. :) Sangat terharu and sangat memberi semangat and peransang. But just after reading the first page, I couldn't help myself crying until I had to stop reading at page 5. Why? The fact that the author wrote the book because he knew that he was dying of cancer and he wanted to leave something as legacy, especially for his family. I was really touched knowing that he was preparing his family to move on with their life without him. He was still considered young, 40++ with 2 sons of age 5 and 2, and a girl of age 1. Can't imagine how his wife went through the days. I can't even imagine my life without my husband and my kids.

Anyway, I must continue to read the book someday. I will try not to get very 'into' the book. I want to learn something from the author and I believe he did leave a legacy in 'The last lecture'.