Aduh.. sukarnya...

Aarrgghh :( ... Amir is giving me hard time lately. Susah betul nak tidurkan dia, especially waktu mlm. Jenuh dah susukan.. 'burb'kan.. dodoikan.. most of the time amik masa dekat2 sejam gak baru dia lena. Bila diriba/didukung.. senang jer dia terlelap. Tp bila letak jer.. terus terjaga balik. Kalo tak pun.. lena dlm 15min.. pastu terjaga balik. Kadang2 tu nampak sgt dia dah mengantuk benar.. berkali2 menguap.. tp mcm ditahan matanya supaya tak tertido. Yang pelik nya waktu siang tak la sesusah waktu malam bila nak tidorkan dia. Kadang2 waktu siang sengaja sy biarkan dia berjaga lama skit dgn harapan bila malam dia akan lebih mudah tidor. Tp tak jadi jugak..

Kami mmg tak ajar anak2 tido dalam buaian.. takut nanti susah pulak bila nak jalan2. Tp kat rumah babysitter.. Adam dulu mmg ditidorkan dlm buai. Sy tak salahkan babysitter pun.. mungkin jugak susah nak tidorkan dia. Amir ni nanti pun sy tak kisah kalo babysitter nak tidorkan dalam buai. Yer la.. dia pun ade jaga anak org lain. Mesti susah kalo nak concentrate kat Amir sorang jer. Sedangkan sy pun susah nak tidorkan dia. Inikan pulak org lain.

Kadang2 mmg rasa geram n nak marah jer. Yer la.. kita dah penat seharian jaga dia, malam lak dia buat perangai susah nak tido. Nanti tgh2 malam nak bangun menyusukan dia lg. Tp nak marah dan lepaskan geram pd siapa pun. Dah namanya baby.. dia bukan faham. Nak marahkan hubby... tak boleh juga. Dia pun dah penat seharian di tmpt keje. Kdg2 ada juga la dia tolong tidorkan Amir. Tp jarang2 la berjaya melenakan Amir. Sudahnya kat mama ni jugak yang Amir nak. Itu pun sy dah cukup bersyukur hubby blum lg bersungut sbb sy byk habiskan masa utk Amir. Makan mlm pun skang ni ala kadar jer. Makan pun asing2 sbb kalo Amir tak tidor lg.. salah sorang kene temankan dia. Ha.. ni lg satu masalahnya. Si Amir ni asyik nak berdukung n beriba jer. Dia nak sentiasa ada org temankan dia. Dah tu camne nak wat keje?

Aduuhh.. mencabar betul jaga anak sy yg no-2 ni. Seingat sy Adam dulu tak la sesusah ini nak dijaga. Waktu mlm pun dia cuma bangun 2 kali utk menyusu.. pastu sambung tido balik. Tp Amir ni.. kdg2 bila dah menyusu dia bantai berjaga plak 1-2 jam. Mcm mana la sy nak cukup tido. Skang ni sy masih bercuti tak pe la. Waktu siang bila Amir tido.. sy bleh tido skali (walaupun jarang dpt peluang tu). Tp mcm mana bila sy dah mula bekerja semula nanti? Sy risau keadaan ni berlarutan. Kadang2 terfikir nak berhenti kerja saje dan tumpukan pada keluarga. Tp kedudukan kewangan keluarga tak mengizinkan. Nanti mana cukup duit nak bayar rumah.. kereta.. monthly expenses lg. Org kata.. rezeki ada di mana2. Tp ntah la.. sy blum berani nak ambil langkah drastik berhenti keje. Lg pun tak sampai hati nak biarkan hubby tanggung sorg. Tgk org lain bleh jer besarkan anak2 dan keje dalam masa yg sama. Takkan sy tak boleh kan..

Mungkin ni cuma sementara. Harapnya bila Amir dah besar skit dlm 3-4 bulan.. dia lebih mudah dijaga. Waktu tido yg lebih teratur. Itulah harapan sy. Tp yg pasti bila dah besar skit nanti.. lain pula cabarannya nanti. Hmm.. tak baik betul sy ni dok mengeluh ttg kurniaan-Nya. Begitu sukar waktu sy mengandungkan dia.. bila dah lahir patutnya sy lebih bersyukur dan menghargai putera kurniaan-Nya ini. Tp sy mengeluh pulak. Astaghfirullahal'azim.. ini baru sedikit dugaan yg diberiNya. Blum lg dugaan anak sakit.. dan mcm2 lg. Betapa sukarnya membesarkan anak.. mcm2 pengorbanan dilakukan si ibu.. masa, tenaga, perasaan, wang.. etc. Patut la syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki ibu. Sy yakin siapa yg telah menjadi ibu.. pasti lebih faham perasaan ibunya kini.

Hmm.. sy ni mengeluh mcm tak penah ada anak plak. Padahal dulu sy berjaya mengharungi dugaan membesarkan anak sulong, Adam. Tp yer la kan.. cabarannya berbeza. Skang ni bukan stakat nak jaga Amir.. nak melayan kerenah Adam yg dah 2 tahun tu pun satu hal lg. Sungguh mencabar... Apa2 pun.. sy masih bersyukur dgn dikurniakan suami yg memahami.. anak2 yg sihat.. Walau sesusah mana pun menjaga dan membesarkan mereka.. mereka tetap mengembirakan dan menceriakan keluarga kami.

Adam Mifzal & Amir Mukhriz

Last week we held a birthday celebration for our first son, Adam Mifzal. His birthday is actually on 11th May, but we held it on Sunday 10th May. It was a last minute plan. Mula2 ingat tak nak celebrate since sy pun masih dlm pantang. Tp hubby kata kesian lak nanti tak de gambar 2nd birthday Adam. So.. last2 buat jugak la a small party for him. Jemput family, his babysitter and jiran2 sebelah rumah. Menu simple jer.. bihun goreng, keropok, nugget, agar2, cake, fruits and air. Tp penat gak la sbb masak sendiri (except for the cake).


(Left: Adam 3 days; Middle: Adam 1 yr; Right: Adam 2 yr)

Macam tak percaya dah 2 tahun anak mama & papa ni. The 1st year rasa lama gak. Tp bila dah masuk setahun rasa cepat jer dia membesar. He learnt a lot of things through observation and he learnt them very fast. Bila dia dah pandai bercakap (still pelat2 and only certain ppl yg paham..hehehe) best sgt. We treat him mcm kwn2 jer. But towards the end of my pregnancy Adam byk kerenah. I guess he knew that he was about to get a brother. Tensen gak melayan kerenah dia. Anyway masa birthday Adam hr tu suka betul dia dapat hadiah.. walaupun tak banyak berbanding masa his 1st birthday. But he loves all his presents, especially the one yg mama & papa beli la. We bought him 2 presents - playhouse (khemah) with balls and a small pool yg bleh isi air or balls. Habis bersepah rumah dgn toys Adam. Dah mcm nursery pun ade gak.

Our second son, Amir Mukhriz was born on 20th April 2009, 3 weeks before Adam turned 2 years old. Dia ni kecik skit berbanding abangnya masa lahir, only 2.8kg. Could be due to pregnancy problem that I had, uri rosak and flow dlm tali pusat tak kuat, causing him not getting enough nutrition from me. Apa2 pun alhamdulillah dia slamat dilahirkan masa minggu ke-39. Hopefully he grows well after this.

(Left: Amir 3 days; Right: Amir 3 weeks)

Amir ni kira ok la.. tak byk kerenah n bukan yg jenis menangis. Jarang dengar dia menangis. Sama mcm Adam dulu. Tp lately ni dia start kembung perut. Dia tak menangis tp dia selalu mengerang2 mcm meneran nak berak n kentut. Tgh tido pun kdg2 dia mengerang. Kesian sgt tgk bila dia mengerang2.. mcm sakit jer. Org kata baby kdg2 meneran nak membesarkan badan.. mcm mengeliat. Tp kdg2 mmg dia meneran nak kentut/berak. Bila dah berjaya kentut/berak baru dia nampak lega. Jenuh dah sapu minyak kat perut n kaki dia, tuam perut dia, but still dia kembung. Adam pun dulu mcm tu jugak. Nothing much that we can do to help him. Just hoping that as he grows this mengerang2 thing will be gone soon.

Kembali Menulis

Setelah sekian lama sy menyepi dr memblogging.. hr ni sy kembali menulis. Kalo ikutkan mmg dah lama sy nak menulis. tp keadaan kesihatan tak mengizinkan walaupun sy telah bercuti dan hanya duduk di rumah sejak awal februari. Kesukaran untuk berdiri, berjalan mahupun duduk lebih dr sejam banyak membataskan aktiviti sy. Akhirnya sepanjang 3 bulan ini sy banyak menghabiskan masa berbaring menonton TV saje. Walaupun dalam hati banyak yg ingin sy luahkan dan coretkan dalam blog. Dari sehari ke sehari sy berazam hendak menulis blog.. tp tak mampu. Alhamdulillah akhirnya dapat juga sy menyambung blog ini.


Kalo ikutkan hati sy nak cerita pengalaman mengandung anak ke-2 saya ni.. sgt berbeza dgn pengalaman mengandung anak pertama dulu. terlalu byk yg nak diceritakan sampai tak tahu di mana nak dimulakan. Pengalaman bersalin juga tak kurang hebatnya. Dan kini setelah 2 minggu lebih sy menjadi ibu kepada 2 anak lelaki.. bermacam2 cerita ingin sy coretkan. Tp tak tahu la samada semua cerita dan pengalaman itu akan dapat saya abadikan dalam blog ni. Insya-Allah...


Tp utk hari ini sy tak bercadang untuk berkongsi cerita2 itu semua. Sbb sy sedang mengikuti drama kegemaran sy yg baru.. Gelora Dihati Sara. Drama ni pernah ditayangkan sebelum ni. Tapi sy tidak mengikutinya kerana waktu tayangannya dulu sama dengan satu lagi drama yg sy ikuti di channel lain. Tp kali ni sy tak lepaskan peluang memandangkan sy pun masih bercuti. Tak sangka drama ni mmg best. Sesuai dengan tajuknya 'Gelora Dihati Sara'.. mmg sy dapat rasakan gelora dan gelodak di hati Sara. Kadang2 geram sgt dgn si Asrul, suami Sara tu.. dan kesian sgt kat Sara. Lagi satu.. soundtrack drama ni dua2 sedap. Nak kene cari mp3 kat internet ni :)

MS Project 2007 Training dan Cita-citaku

Smalam saya menghadiri internal training on Microsoft Project 2007 for R&D Executives. Instructor training ni cuma R&D exec dr company kitorg yg baru jer attend MS Project Training last month. Honestly sy rasa agak boring jugak la training ni.. walaupun instructor2 nya adalah org2 yg sy kenal. Basically training yg sy pegi smalam cuma untuk ajar user guna software MS Project 2007. Pada sy the software is just a tool that assist us to develop a gantt chart dgn more detail. All this while kitorang buat gantt chart pakai Microsoft Excel jer. Pada pendapat sy apa yg lebih penting ialah how to plan and manage your project. Kalo tak tahu nak plan project, our gantt chart sama jer no mater buat guna Excel of MS Project. Knowledge on project management perlu ada. It will definitely help us to fully utilize the MS Project software. Otherwise byk juga bende yg kita tak tahu /tak faham nape perlu set itu dan ini.

Sy juga agak kecewa dgn training ni. Material x teratur.. notes pun x de.. mcm x properly plan. Instructor pun adakalanya x dpt nak terangkan dgn jelas apa yg ditanya. Tp x de la sy nak salahkan diorg sgt.. sbb diorg pun baru belajar guna software tu. Dan diorg pun bukan cikgu/trainer. Tp sy rasa kalo diorg lebih bersedia.. mungkin penyampaian ilmu tu lebih berkesan.

Hmm.. rasa rindu pulak zaman masa jd tutor dulu. Sy suka mengajar. Sy suka berkongsi ilmu. Sy rasa puas bila dpt ajar org lain bende yg sy faham. Dan sy sanggup belajar bende baru demi nak ajar org lain. Mmg cita2 sy nak jd lecturer.. tp bila mengenangkan nak kena sambung belajar.. rasa cam jauh n lambat jer lg cita2 sy tu nak tercapai. Sy suka buat research.. tp sy x suka buat thesis.. so how?? Camne nak buat Master n PhD kalo camtu? Bila dah berkeluarga ni bertambah2 la cabaran nak sambung belajar. Kalo la determination sy betul2 kuat.. Insya-Allah sy bleh buat. Tp.. kuat ker determination sy ni? :P

Car Accident

Just now I read one of my friend's blog. She told about how she accidently slip at staircase and had minor injury. Luckly it was not a serious injury. Reading her story made me want to share mine. Few months back (on 14th August 2008 to be exact), I had an accident. I was on my way to the office after sending my son to the babysitter's house. The accident happened about 2-3km from the house. I was driving my little Kancil up a hilly road (the roads at that area is quite hilly), when i suddenly crashed faced to faced with another kancil coming from the opposite direction (in front of me). I really did not notice the car. I didnt even realize when I hit the car. The driver, who was a young lady (I assume around 22-24) said I was in her lane. As I didnt really remember and realize what actually happened, I just took whatever she said as true. Maybe I did got into her lane. Maklum jer lah, jalan kampung memang sempit. Nak berselisih pun susah. Somehow mesti termasuk lane org.. kan.


My little kancil
Some villagers and people passed by stopped to help. I was a bit stuck but still be able to get out of my car. It seemed to me that the young lady did not injured herself, as she could easily get out of her car and walked. Alhamdulillah I did not had any serious injury. Luckly I weared my seat belt that day. It saved me from any serious head injury. I got a cut in my mouth, between the nose and mouth, which was due to knocked at the steering. It caused me difficulty to speak and smile for almost 1 week. I suffered chest pain due to the impact of accident, during the first two weeks. I also suffered from knee injury. I still feel the pain until today when I do certain movement. And now when my body's weight increases due to pregnancy, the load on my knee also increases. Its painful especially during praying.


The other kancil I hit
Apa2 pun, Sy bersyukur sgt2 sbb masa accident Adam was not with me. Cant imagine if he was inside the car. Org2 kampung ckp kat situ mmg selalu org accident. Org kata tempat tu 'keras'.. wallahualam. Sy jugak bersyukur sbb tak mengalami kecederaan yg serius, sungguhpun kecederaan kereta boleh dikatakan agak serius. Nilai kerosakan berjumlah RM6850. Oleh kerana insured value kereta kancil saya rendah, insuran cuma membayar RM4000 sahaja, manakala selebihnya perlu ditanggung oleh saya. It took more than 4 months to settle everything.. insurance n fixing the car. Baru2 ni dah dapat balik kancil tu. But the condition is no longer the same as before. Bunyi enjin kasar jer. Bawak pun tak brape best. Tp boleh la pakai kalo nak drive dekat2. My hubby doesnt encourage me to travel to work everyday using that kancil, especially masa tgh mengandung ni. Tapi sebenarnya sy lagi suka naik kancil tu, minyak jimat. Dah la distance from home to office 50km. Dengan keadaan jalan yg byk lori dan batu2, sayang nak drive nissan tu.


Moral of the story.. sentiasa lah berhati2 ketika memandu. Always be prepared.. anytime.. anywher.. coz anything could happen to you. Some people asked whether I became phobia to drive after the accident. Alhamdulillah, Im not. I can still drive. Did I cry after the accident? No I did not cry immedietly after the accident. But I cried 2-3 hours after that...huhuhu.. Lambat skit impact dia. Tambahan pulak nangis sebab sakit sgt lutut yg cedera tu.

Trip ke India

Fuh!!!! Lega rasanya. Pagi ni PA boss besar sy call bagitau yg sy tak perlu ke India. Alhamdulillah... Sy pasti ade hikmahnya. 2 hari lepas sy diberitahu bahawa sy dan beberapa chief scientist yg lain akan mengikut boss besar ke India akhir bulan ni. Terkejut sy. Dah la dlm group tu sy sorg pompuan.. yg paling muda lak tu... junior scientist la katakan. Pelik jugak sy nape nama sy pulak yg naik. Diorg kata sbb sy incharge biodiesel research. Dan rombongan ke India tu nak visit Jatropha plantation dan biofuel research centre kat sana. Mungkin ade kaitannya.. tp sy rasa ade org lain yg lebih layak dan patut pergi berbanding sy. Oleh kerana masalah passport sy tak settle lg.. smalam sy bergegas menyelesaikan urusan passport di immigresen Shah Alam. Alhamdulillah passport dpt disiapkan by tghari. Dan smalam juga sy dah sign borang visa India di pejabat boss besar.

Namun pg ni.. bila PA boss besar call untuk inform yg sy tak perlu menyertai rombongan tu, sy rasa sgt2 lega. Tak perlu la sy runsing nak meninggalkan anak dan suami lagi. Lepas diberitahu 2 hr lepas.. kepala ni dok asyik terkenang camne la nanti Adam tido dgn papa dia. Dah la Adam tu manja dgn sy. Meninggalkan Adam adalah perkara paling susah utk dilakukan. Selain dr tu.. sy rasa lega jugak sbb tak perlu risau mengenai kesihatan dan ke'larat'an sy nanti. Sebenarnya sy pn tak yakin sy akan larat nak berjalan2 masa visit tu nanti. Sedangkan skang ni pun sy slalu sakit2 pinggang dan cepat penat. Skang ni baru 6 bulan. By the time pegi India nanti, kandungan sy dah nak masuk 7 bulan. Tp.. sy dah tak perlu risau psl sumer tu lg... sbb sy tak perlu pergi India :)

Namunbegitu.. dlm masa yg sama sy turut ada rasa sedikit kecewa dan terkilan. 1 - sbb sy dah susah2 pegi buat passport dan kluarkan RM300 smalam. Tak tau la bleh claim ker tak saya buat passport tu. Kalo ikutkan buat passport untuk urusan kerja boleh claim. Tp ni dah tak jadi pergi.. bleh claim ker eh?. 2 - terlepas peluang ke India.. negara yg belum sy jejaki. Ntah bila lg dpt peluang ke oversea ditanggung oleh company. hehehe.. nak pegi guna duit sendiri.. lama lg nampak gayanya. 3 - terlepas peluang belajar sesuatu yg baru. Org kata jauh berjalan luas pandangan. Ade sesetengah perkara tak boleh dipelajari dr buku jer. Peluang ke oversea ni pun penting utk career ladder sy dlm company ni. Apa2 pun.. bukan rezeki sy kali ni. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yg terbaik untuk hambaNya.

Oleh kerana sy tak jadi ke India, maka boleh la kami sekeluarga menyertai our Family Day di Ayer Tawar 24hb nanti. Yey!!! Seronok dapat berkumpul ramai2.. jumpa ahli keluarga yg lain. Dah lama tak jumpa diorg.. ramai juga yg blum tau sy mengandung.. huhuhuhu

Bengang dan Geram!!

Aduh.. geramnya!!! Sejak 2-3 minggu lepas company sy telah mem'block' kebanyakan website yang sering sy kunjungi (bukan sy saja.. ramai lg yg lain masuk website2 tu). Antara yg telah di'block' termasuk lah yahoomail, hotmail, gmail, facebook, friendster, youtube, etc. Walaubagaimanapun sesetengah website lain (spt blogspot, fotopages, photobucket) masih boleh dikunjungi. Download lagu pun dah tak boleh skang ni.

Saya tak kisah kalo IT Dept nak block website2 yang lain. Sy akui sesetengah org leka sgt melayari website sampai tak buat keje. Yang buat saya sgt2 geram ialah kenapa perlu diorang block public email tu, especially yahoomail, gmail dan hotmail. Kebanyakan kami lebih prefer menggunakan email luar berbanding email company (xxx@simedarby.com) terutamanya untuk attachment, walaupun untuk urusan kerja. Ini kerana email company SANGAT SLOW.. SELALU HANG.. dan kadang2 email yang dihantar TAK SAMPAI. Lawak kan.. dah jadi macam snail mail pulak.. surat hilang tgh jalan. Ada yang beri alasan server jadi SLOW kerana ramai yang melayari website2 tu. Mungkin ada kebenarannya. Tapi perlu ker sampai block email??

Saya tak kisah sgt kalo IT Dept nak block email luar. Tp biar la email system SIME DARBY ni cukup efficient. Ni nak bukak email pun slow.. apatah lagi nak reply/forward/attach. IT Dept tak dpt nak terima ker hakikat sistem diorang belum cukup bagus? Ini la yang dikatakan 'marahkan nyamuk, bakar kelambu'. Skang ni kalo nak access juga yahoomail, perlu dapatkan kebenaran dari IT Manager. Org tu org besar dalam Sime Darby.. agak2nya dia nak layan ker approval utk masuk yahoomail ni? Eeeeiiii.. geram betul saya!! Setiap kali nak bukak email company mesti rasa stress. Apatah lagi bila nak email. Dari tadi sy dok cuba nak email asyik hang jer. Geraammmmmm!!!! (Ya Allah.. kurniakan lah kesabaran buat hambaMu ini) :

Trip ke Zoo Melaka

Pada 30 November yg lepas kami sekeluarga telah pergi ke Zoo Melaka. Sebenarnya mmg dah lama plan nak bawak Adam pegi zoo since that dia suka tgk binatang. Tangguh punya tangguh.. akhirnya tercapai juga hasrat nak bawak dia. Beberapa hari seblum pegi tu dah tanya2 member yg pernah pegi Zoo Melaka. Ade yg kata ok.. ade yg kata x berapa. Sy pn ade jenguk2 website zoo melaka n zoo negara. Memandangkan keluasan Zoo Negara tu agak besar.. we thought of start with a smaller zoo which is Zoo Melaka

Tiba di zoo around 11 a.m. .. kira dah lmbat sbnarnya. Planning nak sampai zoo awal pagi.. so that bleh abis by tengahari.. maklumlah masa tu musim hujan.. almost hari2 hujan.. especially in the evening. Tp biasa la bila dah ade budak2 ni.. plan kluar kol 8.. last2 dekat kol 9.30 gak baru gerak dr Salak Tinggi. Kitorg singgah breakfast jap kat R&R Seremban. Skali Adam ternampak lak machine yg budak2 suka naik yg masuk duit tu. Dia nak naik sgt n pastu x nak turun plak. dlm 20 min gak la tunggu dia puas main.. last2 ktorg angkut jer dia. huhuhu

Bayaran masuk zoo tu RM7 utk org dewasa. Adam still free. Kitorg x de la excited sgt nak tgk binatang2 tu.. tp lebih excited nk tgk Adam's reaction. Mula2 tu boring gak.. sbb kebanyakan binatang were resting masa tu. Tak banyak binatang yg bergerak2. N furthermore binatang2 tu quite far dr pagar... mcm nampak x nampak jer. Adam pun jd ala2 boring n mengantuk. Dah la tenghari time dia tido. Kitorg punya la usaha nak make him stay awake. Kejap2 dukung dia.. kejap2 bg dia duduk dlm stroller. Bila dok dlm stoller jer dia nak tertido.. kesian gak kat dia.. heheheh.. but Alhamdulillah Adam x meragam.Kitorg amik masa 2 jam lebih gak nak jalan satu zoo tu. Penat giler rasa.. kira berbaloi gak la bayar RM7 tu.

Algae World 08 & Baby on the Way

Bulan lepas saya telah mengikuti satu international conference (Algae World 2008) in Singapore. Pertama kali saya diberi peluang menyertai international conference di luar Malaysia. Kalo ikutkan sejarah company ni, junior exec (below 3 yrs) mmg de peluang nak pegi conference kat oversea. Tp alhamdulillah rezeki saya. tambahan lak conference tu bersifat teknikal dan merupakan topik research projek sy. Byk yg sy pelajari ketika di sana. Balik dr conference berserabut otak berfikir camne nak buat report. Ilmu n info yg sy dpt dr conference tu pun tidak tersusun dgn baik dlm otak ni. Ni dah masuk 3 minggu, tp report x siap lg... huhuhu... harap2 dapat siapkan hr ni. hehehhe.. tp 2 minggu lepas pun bende yg sama sy katakan.. hehehe..

Saat nak meninggalkan Adam n Papa kat KLIA rasa nak menangis.. tapi kalo Adam nampak mama dia nangis, sure dia nangis skali.. huhuhu

Masa pergi Singapore tu.. first time la tinggalkan Adam selama 2 mlm. Kesian dia. Hubby kata Adam dok panggil2 'mama'.. nak tido pggil.. bgn tido pggil.. yer la.. sejak lahir x pernah lg sy tinggalkan dia kecuali waktu kerja. kalo kene outstation jauh pun.. sy berusaha balik ke rumah hr yg sama. penat mmg la penat. tp x sampai hati la nak tinggalkan dia. Tmbahan lak Adam menyusu badan. Sejak sy tahu sy nak kene pergi Singapore.. sy dah mula train Adam minum susu botol. Sblum ni kat rumah babysitter dia ok jer minum susu dlm botol. Cuma bila dok dgn sy jer dia ngada2. Bermula raya aidilfitri yg lepas.. start reduce bg susu bdn. Alhamdulillah by the time sy pegi Singapore hr tu dia dah mula minum susu di botol sepenuhnya. Cuma kdg2 tu dia ngada2 nak juga susu bdn. Nak lepas gian la tu.. heheheh..

Beberapa pemandangan di Singapore yang sempat diambil... tak sempat nak jalan ke mana-mana pun.

Ade kemungkinan bulan januari ni kene ke jepun pulak utk projek bioethanol. Tp x confirm lg sbb dengar2 citer projek tu ditangguhkan. Sy sbenarnya teringin juga nak ke sana. Tujuannya nak belajar jer. Dgn org2 Jepun ni.. kdg2 diorg x reveal sumer information walaupun kita dah sign agreement. Sbb tu sy rasa penting utk pergi sana n lihat sendiri technology diorg. Tp pd masa yg sama sy berat hati juga kalo terpaksa pergi. Kalo kene pergi mungkin dekat seminggu juga. Camne la nak kene tinggalkan Adam lg. Tmbahan pulak masa tu kndungan dah masuk 6 bulan. Skang ni pun sy rasa dah x larat.. mcm dah ngandung 8 bulan. Camne la bila perut makin besar nanti. Lain betul la mngandung yg 2nd one ni. Asyik sakit2 jer. Risau jugak.

Hari sabtu lepas pergi monthly check-up. Doctor kata mungkin baby girl.. tp x confirm lg.. sbb position baby masa scan tu agak menyukarkan keadaan melihat jantina baby. Kalo betul la girl.. best nyer. Mmg berharap dpt baby girl. Org kata anak pompuan ni senang skit nak jaga masa kecik. Tp bila dah besar nanti.. susah nak jaga. Anyway bila dia besar nanti ade la anak pompuan nk tolong2 buat kerja rumah. Anak laki pulak susah jaga masa kecik.. dah besar nanti senang. Tp kalo rezeki dpt boy jugak.. sy terima. Janji sihat.. sempurna fizikal dan akalnya.. alhamdulillah.

Keroncong Hujan

"Mega mendung di angkasa
Hembusan bayu dingin terasa
Gerimis berderai di merata
Bagai mutiara
Rahmat dibawa bersama
Limpahannya meresap dijiwa
Adakala bahgia terasa
Meskipun duka nestapa
Tika hujan turun
Sayup mendayu lagu keroncong
Merdu irama dialun bersenandung
Hujan membasahi bumi
Melahirkan keluhuran budi
Mengeratkan perpaduan suci
Kasih sayang abadi"


Kenapa saya post lirik lagu ni.. saya pun kurang pasti. Tapi hari ini lagu Keroncong Hujan nyanyian Adibah Noor dalam filem Mukhsin asyik bermain-main dalam fikiran saya. Padahal saya tidak mendengar radio pun ketika ini (kecuali semasa memandung dalam perjalanan ke pejabat pagi tadi). Bukan bertujuan nak mempromosi filem Mukhsin walaupun saya sendiri memang menyukai filem tersebut. Tapi filem itu telah lama ditayangkan. Yasmin Ahmad pun dah nak keluar dengan Mualaf (dengar cerita kontroversi juga filem ni). Kesimpulannya, saya tiada tujuan specific menge'post' lirik lagu ini. Mungkin sekadar berkongsi lagu2 keroncong yang saya minati. Memang best la lagu2 keroncong ni. Ada lagi satu lagu keroncong yang saya suka. Tapi belum dapat cari liriknya.

Sindarela

"Dalam hidup cinta boleh datang dan pergi
ketawa kerananya.. senyum kerananya..menangis semahunya.. sakit
bermula dengan persahabatan
segelintir pula cuma sedar bila ia hilang
semata-mata untuk rasa dihargai
ada yang percaya cintanya untuk selamanya
for some of us finally they realize that life is not a fairy tale
they need to start over
demi sebuah impian tak salah untuk kita korban
bilamana hati kita rapuh menghadapi realiti
menangis..menangis semahunya
tapi jangan biarkan hati kita terus rebah
sejauh mana kita kenal hati budi seseorang
kita tetap tak boleh buat penilaian
in life we have to learn to let go and keep on moving
the more you wait the more time you waste
bermula dengan hati,angan dan mimpi
sebesar manapun kedudukan kita
segagah prinsip mampu goyah because of love
cause we are human being
mudah lemas bila cintanya lemah
kita harus kuatkan hati..percaya naluri
just admit it.lafazkan cinta..ku mahukan dia"

This is taken from telenovela "Sindarela" aired on TV3, at the end of the last episode. I really like it. I like the telenovela very much too, although my husband said the story was unlogic. But who cares.. there a lot of stories that are far beyond logic too.. and we still watch them.

Why am I feeling down?

It has been more than 2 weeks I've been feeling so down and not quite myself. I feel sick, demotivated, unenergetic and damn so lazy. In fact it started since the accident I had almost a month ago. I am not fit physically and mentally. It started with physical pain and it affected my emotional. When my body recovered (except for the knee.. still have the pain till today.. hhmm.. am I turning into OKU (org kurang upaya)??.. nauzubillah).. my emotional still have not. I did 'mandi pulih semangat'. But it got better just a little while before it got worse. I dont think its because of the accident. My hypothesis is.. I may be pregnant and it got worse because of fasting.. its Ramadhan. But its not fair to blame on fasting. Not fair to blame on the pregnancy either. Fasting is supposed to 'clean up' your mind and soul. And pregnancy is a gift from Allah. But the effect of 'pembawakan budak' plus the puasa is so damn tak best langsung. I really hope I'll get better once the fasting month ended. And I really hope all the unstable hormones and whatever is happening inside my body rite now will stabilize after week-16. hhhmm.. if my calculation is correct.. i am in week 8.. aaaarrggghhh... 8 weeks to go. But that is just less than a half of pregnancy duration. Another different challenge(s) will come after week 16.

But the question is.. am I really pregnant? I have not checked. I just assume based on my period.. and all the morning sickness that I am having. I strongly believe (at least 90%) that it is true.. that I am pregnant. Why didnt I go for a pregnancy test? hhmm.. one of the reason is I dont want my husband get too excited. He already excited when I told him that my period was a week late. He already told my son that he's going to get a little brother/sister when he first time saw me vomitted in the morning. Most of all I dont want him telling everybody that I am pregnant again. I can guess what peoples reactions will be. My son is only 16 months... not even 2 years old. I'm afraid that he is too young to get a little brother/sister. I am also afraid to receive negative comments about me being pregnant ("cepat nyer", "kesian adam.. kecik lg dah dpt adik", "tak sampai 2 tahun dah ngandung lg?", bla..bla..bla). Anyway.. we did not plan for this. Am I ready to get pregnant? Honestly.. no. But I am already pregnant. I have to face it.. carry it .. anyway..

But another question is.. it is really true that this pregnancy makes me feel so down? It does makes me sick and unenergetic.. thats physical. But how about this lazy things and demotivated? Why am I feeling so damn lazy to go to work every morning? I feel demotivated too. I have to admit that sometimes the abundance of work stressed me out. Too many work to be done. I cant concentrate on any. I hate it.. because I am doing research. Focus is essential in this type of work. Sometimes I feel like resigning. Not because the pay or the benefits are not good. But more or less is because I am too tired. I feel overloaded. Why cant I discuss this problem with my boss? Because I dont think he/they will understand. Anyway.. they are the one who gave me all these works. Can I refuse to do the job given when they give to me? hhmm.... I dont know if I can.

Whatever it is.. I am tired. I want to go home and sleep... or watch some vcd/dvd to relax.

R&D Day and MC

Last night I was informed by my boss (thru sms) that I was nominated to be co-MC for the R&D Day. I was not surprised, but more disappointed. Earlier, about 2 days ago, I was told by the head of my sub-committee of R&D Day, that I was nominated as back-up MC. I didn’t agree. But what can I say? I was nominated by my Director. I can’t refuse to take the task, or else I won’t get any bonus this coming July. Furthermore we just had our appraisal last 2 weeks. Arrrgghh..

I wonder why Mr Director nominated me. I have no experience being MC. I am still new with the company. 2 years is still considered junior executive. I proved nothing to him that I can be an MC. I don’t know if can deliver the task. In fact I have not yet deliver the article he asked me to write. How can he nominated me to handle for such big event, where Tun Musa Hitam, Dato Seri Zubir and Dato Azhar will be the guests of honour. There are many others who capable of being MC, those with fluent English, not me. Aarrrrgghh..

I’m not just worried about delivering the task. Preparation is another thing. Who will prepare the script? I am taking a 1 week leave the whole next week. My baby sitter is taking a leave from Monday to Wednesday, and we are going back to my hubby’s kampong on Tuesday’s night till Sunday. We have bought flight ticket for that, which we had planned much earlier. Its RM400 tau!!! The worst thing is there will be a full rehearsal on Friday, where we will be still in kampong. We can’t just cancel the ticket. If we want to change the date, we have to pay few hundreds more. And that is why my hubby was so upset last nite. I am extremely upset too. I don’t know what to do. I am trapped!!!

I once was advised by my boss. He said “if the company calls u to come to work, even during the weekend or during your holiday, you must come back”. At that time we were asked to come on Sunday to work because some VIP wanted to visit our labs. But I didn’t show up because we were in kampong. What a coincident. Everytime balik kampong also. So this time, I have no reason to refuse.

The only solution I can think about right now is come back earlier. We will still go back to Kelantan on Tuesday night, but my son and I will come back to Sepang on Friday morning, so that I can still attend the rehearsal, and know what to do on Monday the R&D Day. I hope its worth for what I am sacrificing.

Article and Innovation Workshop

When I was asked by my SVP I to write an article about a workshop I attended, to be published in our company bulletin, I was surprised. I was wondering if he actually wanted to send the instruction (thru sms) to somebody else, instead of me. He was one of the observers in the workshop. I guess maybe he instructed me because among the participants, I was the most junior executive he knows. I kinda worried initially. I don’t know if I could write a good article. My English is terrible, very straight forward, with limited vocabulary. Blogging wouldn’t be that difficult as I can just mix up the Malay-English anywhere anytime I feel like doing so. But writing an article is different, especially for a company bulletined. I just hope that I’ll manage to write something that meets my boss’s expectation. Bak kata one of Akademi Fantasia’s participants, Nadia – “Redah ajerr”. By hook or by crook, I must write something. It is an order. It has been a week since the 2-days workshop ended. But I haven’t started to write anything yet. How????

Tazkirah Sarapan Pagi

Pagi ini saya telah mendapat ilmu/pengetahuan baru dari sesi tazkirah waktu sarapan pagi. Di pejabat saya ada seorang rakan yang gemar bercerita dan berkongsi ilmu2 agama termasuk lah cerita2 sejarah. Banyak ilmu yang berguna saya pelajari dari cerita2 yang disampaikan. Waktu sarapan pagi adalah waktu di mana kami berkumpul dan makan bersama sambil berbual2, samada berbual kosong mahupun sesuatu yang berilmiah. Sebenarnya selalu juga rakan saya ini berkongsi ilmu. Tapi sebelum2 ini saya tak pernah tulis ape yg saya pelajari. Jadi bagi mengelakkan saya lupa, saya rasa saya patut tulis di blog ni. Dpt juga berkongsi ilmu dgn pembaca.

Cerita yang disampaikan pagi td mengenai kisah Nabi Musa a.s. Menurut rakan saya ini pada zaman Nabi Musa a.s, iman bersifat ‘ainul iman’ atau iman yang timbul dari apa yang dilihat. Pada zaman itu Allah telah menunjukkan Ke-Esa-anNya secara zahir selama 40 thn kepada umat Nabi Musa a.s. Antaranya Laut Merah terbelah, makanan turun dari langit, air keluar dari batu tergantung dan pakaian yang membesar bersama pemakainya. Namun begitu iman yang bersifat begini tidak kuat. Ketika Nabi Musa a.s. pergi mengadap Allah selama 40 hari, umatnya telah menyembah berhala (patung sapi emas).

Berbeza dengan zaman Rasulullah s.a.w, di mana iman bersifat yakin dengan sepenuh hati walaupun sesuatu yang tidak dapat dilihat, mahupun sesuatu yang di akal manusia itu tidak logic. Contohnya pada malam Israk Mikraj, Rasulullah telah menaiki buraj (sejenis binatang) dari Masjid Haram ke Masjid Aqsa dan kemudiannya naik ke langit. Semuanya berlaku dalam satu malam. Jika difikirkan oleh akal fikiran manusia yang sgt terbatas ini, tentu sahaja ianya tidak logic. Tapi sebagai orang Islam kita wajib percaya dan yakin, itu lah Iman.

Dari cerita yg disampaikan juga, baru saya tahu bahawa umat Nabi Musa a.s itu terbahagi kepada 12 puak. Ketika Laut Merah terbelah, Allah telah membuat 12 belahan laut untuk 12 puak, yang mana setiap puak melalui satu belahan (bukan seperti yang digambarkan, laut terbelah dua). Pada ketika Firaun sampai di tepi laut merah yang sedang terbelah itu, Firaun sedar bahawa laut akan bertaut kembali dan dia akan lemas sekiranya dia turut mengejar Nabi Musa a.s yang sedang melintas laut yg terbelah itu. Allah telah mengarahkan Jibrail menunggang seekor kuda betina yang kemudianya berlari di depan Firaun. Ia telah menyebabkan kuda jantan yang ditunggang oleh Jibrail mengejar kuda betina tersebut, lalu masuk ke dalam laut yang terbelah. Pengikut2 Firaun juga turut masuk ke dalam laut yg terbelah itu apabila melihat raja mereka masuk. Seperti yang diketahui umum akhirnya Firaun dan pengikut2nya mati apabila laut yang terbelah pada mulanya, kembali bercantum.

Sebenarnya banyak lagi yang diceritakan oleh rakan saya ini. Tapi tidak dapat saya karang semula kerana ada yang saya lupa. Barangkali lain kali saya patut membawa buku nota kecil dan mencatatnya ketika dia bercerita. Apa2 pun saya sgt bersyukur dgn adanya orang seperti rakan saya ini. Moga2 bertambah pahala dan ilmunya berkat ilmu yang disampaikan kepada saya dan rakan2 yg lain.

After a long time..

Waaahhh.. dah berbulan lamanya saya tidak menjenguk blog ini. Memang betul kata orang.. menulis blog ni ade 2 saje kemungkinan.. 1. menjadi addicted dan blog terus hidup... atau 2. hanya hangat2 tahi ayam dan terus berkubur.. well my blog certainly not the 2nd one.. otherwise I wont be writing today rite? But not no 1 as well... coz it has been abandoned for almost 1/2 a year.. an impresive record.. huhuhuhu.. not just my blog.. same goes to my fotopages. my last entry on fotopages was in December 2007

Hhhmm.. why didnt I update my blog, neither my fotopages? There is only one reason for it. I was and still am extremely busy with my work. Dulu2 masa tak de kesedaran sivik.. mende2 blog dgn fotopages ni buat time keje.. (ada ker patut) Masa tu nak kata tak banyak keje.. tak jugak. tp.. malas dan terlalu take it easy on the work. Tp.. pastu insaf skit aaaa. dah tak buat bende2 tu time keje. nak buat masa kat rumah lagi la tak boleh nyer.. dengan kerenah anakanda tercinta yang sedang membesar dan memerlukan perhatian sepanjang masa... agak sukar nak mem'blogging' dan mem'fotopaging' di rumah.

But why today I started blogging again? No specific reason la. But just now I read one of my friends' blog, Zalwanie (http://www.dakwanie.com/) and Afdlin's blog. Suddenly I felt like writing. huhuhuhu... is it because the power of these peoples word? Ntah ler.. mungkin juga. Or maybe saya dengki dengan mereka2 ni yang consistently update their blogs. But I wonder where they got all the time to blogging eh? And they got all those ideas to write?

I think in order to have a good blog one should have idea of what to be written. Yer la kan.. kalo dah dok membebel jer.. (like what I'm doing rite now) blog tu takkan memberi apa2 faedah kepada pembacanya. Orang pun tak berminat nak mengikuti. Nowdays anyone can blogging. Even ex-MB Selangor pun nak tulis blog. For what reason I dont know. Mungkin untuk berkongsi pendapat atau perasaan yang tak terluah kot. hhhhmm.. mungkin sbb tu kot saya membuka blog ni.. (tgh berfikir sejenak).. apa2 pun terpulang lah pada penulis blog dan pembaca blog menilai ..

Plan ke German

Hari ni pagi2 lg dah rasa sedih.. sampai jer kat ofis En Faisal bgtau yg plan training 4 bulan di German on balik. Ingatkan ED postpone plan tu sbb merger. tup tap tup tap.. dia on balik plan tu. risau nyer kalo kene pegi sana 4 bulan. camne dgn Adam nanti? dah la adam skang ni manja sgt.. dah mcm katak pisang nak melekat jer. dah la dia kecik lg.. baru 6 bulan.. x putus susu pn lg. kalo kene gi German camne dia nanti? mlm2 kalo dia terjaga mesti nangis2. dah la dgn papa dia pun dia x nak. camne ni???

nak tolak rugi.. n for sure dpt bad reputation n impression pd ED. nak pulak pas merger ni senang2 jer SD nak buang org. kalo tolak lg la senang alasan diorg x nak renew contract. tp kalo terima.. camne adam? just cant imagine my life without him. nak tinggalkan semalam pn dah susah hati. inikan kene tinggal 4 bulan. camne kalo balik2 nanti dia x ingat mama dia ni? 4 bulan bukan sekejap.

kalo pegi attachment 2-3 tahun ok la.. bleh bawak family. tp kalo 4 bulan ni.. bukan dpt permit kerja pun. camne nak bawak family? kalo nak bawa adam pn mesti nak kene bawak sorg lg utk jaga adam time keje. sape yg nak dibawak? aduh.. sakitnya kepala pikir mende ni.. sesak nyer dada.. takut nyer kalo ED panggil utk bgtau pasal ni. harap2 en faisal la kene pegi. dia laki.. senang. x yah nak pikir psl anak tinggal kat sape. sah2 wife dia jaga. tp pompuan bukan senang2 bleh tinggal anak

aduh.. sakit nyer .. rasa nak balik skang ni gak.. nak main2 dgn adam. already missing him.

Ujian dtg melanda

Hari ni rasa x bersemangat sgt. Fikiran bercelaru. Sejak sampai ofis.. x buat keje langsung. bila teringat jer.. mesti menangis. mudah betul air mata ni gugur. just cant help it. Stress sbb abah asyik sms and call. I guess he must be feeling guilty after what he discussed yesterday. Yes.. I was really shocked with the news. Although I've thought about it before, but I never expected that it will come at this moment. But cant blame abah for that. it is his right to ask for that kenari. and his intention was to give to iylia. bukan nak bg kat sape pun. tpi kami pulak yg problem x de kereta.

dr smalam lg air mata ni senang sgt mengalir. teringat kata2 abg. mmg dia penah marah sblum ni. tp smalam dia betul2 marah dan yg amat menyedihkan dia marah pd abah sebenarnya. I was and I am caught in the middle. Hate this feeling. Dulu selalu tersepit antara abah and mama. x sangka plak skang ni tersepit antara abah and husband. though diorg ckp.. not to make me choose.. but still i feel caught in the middle.

ya allah.. dah lama allah x uji aku dgn ujian begini. tu la.. masa happy x ingat pada Nya. skang ni baru diuji sedikit dah menangis beriya2. mcm mana nanti kalo diuji yg lebih berat. ape2 pun syukur ade Adam. budak kecik x tau ape.. dia still ketawa dan menangis spt biasa. alhamdulillah.. tu lah penguat semangat.. penceria hari2.

rasa nak balik rumah.. tenangkan fikiran. tp abg ade kat rumah. dia mc.. mesti sbb dia pun x de mood nak keje. bukan x nak berdepan dgn dia. tp yg sebenarnya x nak berbincang soal tu lg. tak reti nak ckp ape.. mmg dah camni perangai.. nak wat camne. lebih suka berdiam diri. tp stay kat ofis pun.. bukan buat kerja.. asyik teringat psl tu jer... abih2 lawat fotopages org.

camne nak ckp dgn abg? camne nak ckp dgn abah.. sungguh aku x punya kekuatan utk berbicara. diam mungkin yg terbaik buat masa ini. tp bukan selamanya.

Lepas Geram Polis

On d way pegi ofis td... dgr radio era.. slalunya kalo hr jumaat ada 'lepas geram di era'.. ingat nak call nak lepas geram.. tp hr ni diorg x bukak plak topik pg era sbb DJ2 era (AC & Kiran) geram bila slot teka-teki.. soalan yg diorg kasi dijawab dgn mudah oleh pendengar.. huhuhu... so sbb nak balas dendam segmen teka teki tu telah dipanjangkn mnggantikan slot topik pagi era..

tp ni bukan nak citer pasal radio era.. ni nak citer pasal geram yg x dpt dilepaskan kat radio era.. bukan geram kat radio era.. tp geram kat polis (PDRM)... masuk hr ni dah 2 hari dah diorg buat roadblock kat sg manggis.. yg menjadi kegeramannya ialah diorg buat roadblock tu dekat dgn traffic light... x sampai 20m dr traffic light.. dah la jem jd nyer.. dah la buat time peak hour.. time org nak pegi keje... n time org balik keje... dah 2 hari sampai ofis lewat.. sumer sbb polis nyer roadblock tu la...

sy x paham tul ape motif polis buat roadblock tu.. tgk diorg cuma letak papan 'berhenti pemeriksaan polis'.. pastu polis2 tu dok bersidai kat tepi jln sambil borak2... cuma ade 1-2 polis jer yg jaga kat tgh jln tu sambil tgh lambai2 suh jalan.. jd ape kejadahnya dia buat roadblock camtu? ptg smalam masa lalu tmpt yg sama masa balik dr keje.. nampak la ade 1-2 motosikal kene tahan... kalo stakat nak tahan motosikal.. perlu ker buat roadblock yg terlalu dekat dgn taffic light.. waktu peak hour?

eeeii.. geram tul... kalo ade polis yg baca blog ni.. tolong lah beri penjelasan..

Sejak sekian lama..

Ya Allah... dah lama tul tak menulis di blog ni. Tu la dia.. hangat2 tahi ayam jer... bukan ape.. cuti raya.. balik dr raya mmg byk cerita.. tp x de masa pulak nak mengarang.. lg pun tau.. bukan ade peminat nak baca blog ni pun... huhuhuhu...