Just another unproductive day for a pregnant lady

Another unproductive day at work. Some people say pregnant woman is not fit to work. I think its very true. Since my pregnancy syndrome started about 3 weeks ago.. I noticed that I did not do much work at the office. I did not do things that I am supposed to do. I slept twice a day in the 'surau'.. just cant help myself. Even if I am at my desk, I seldom do my work.

Last week I was on medical leave for 2 days. This week luckily 2 days were public holidays (Chinese New Year). So I only have to come to work for 3 days. But the not so good news is I have to go to Demo Plant for 2 days. Very tiring.... 1 1/2 hour driving to Demo Plant which is about 92km from my house... and another 1 1/2 hour driving back home. There goes 3 hours of driving everytime I have to work at Demo Plant. Not that I don't enjoy working there.. in fact I enjoy more working in Demo Plant rather than in the office. But its just that my condition right now makes me feel so tired to do anything. The best thing to do for me is lying down in front of the TV.. hhmm.. cant wait to go back.

Can't blame this pregnancy for making me feel uncomfortable most of the time I'm awake. Not all pregnant woman experience the same as I do. In fact not all pregnancy feel the same. I remember when I was pregnant by 1st child, I had no problem, no sickness, I was active and productive. But my second pregnancy was not that good. I always got sick, back ache, morning sickness, less appetite, and immature contraction that I was admitted to hospital twice. My doctor had given me bed rest for 2 months before my delivery date cause I was not fit to work.

Well.. that is 'rezeki' that Allah had decided for me. And I thank him that I was not tested with more difficult test. I don't know how this pregnancy will be.. whether its going to be easy like the first one or less easy like the 2nd one. Whatever it is I pray that the baby and I will survive with the help from Him...

Ohh.. I just found out today that another friend of mine is also pregnant. How coincident. So there are 3 of us who are currently going through almost the same phase... the sickness and tiredness. 3 years ago the 3 of us also got pregnant at the same time. We call it 'penyakit berjangkit' :)

Kekuatan itu hanya dari Allah

Assalamualaikum,

Tak sangka dah dekat setahun blog ni tak ber'update'. My last post was in March 2011.. and now is already January 2012. Masya-Allah.. how time flies so fast. Rasa macam baru jer dok jenguk2 blog2 orang, especially my favorites. Bila kenang2 balik.. since April 2011 I have been fully occupied with real things that I should be doing at work. Yer la.. nama pun keje.. patutnya mana bleh blogging2 .. surfing2... tu dah menyalah gunakan waktu kerja namanya kan? Yes.. I have been working very hard last year after receiving 'hidayah' from Allah s.w.t.. after months of doing practically nothing at work (read my earlier post). Alhamdulillah.. Allah masih sayangkan saya.. Dia tak mahu saya terus menerima rezeki yang kurang diberkati (yer la.. kalo dah pegi keje tp tak buat keje.. kan makan gaji buta namanya tu.. na'uzubillah)

But why am I writing blog again now? Huhuhuhu... sesuatu yang tetap tidak boleh dimaafkan walau apa pun alasannya. Hati saya berbelah bagi dari td.. antara nak balik rumah atau stay di ofis. Kalo balik rumah saya x buat keje.. saya baring dan tido saje. Kalo stay di ofis pun saya x dpt nak buat keje.. sebab saya dalam fasa perubahan fizikal, emosi dan mental.. walaupun boleh dikatakan masih baru.. tapi kesannya memang terasa. Antaranya cepat letih, selalu mengantuk, perut 'gassy', mual n loya, hilang fokus, susah utk berfikir. Akhirnya saya decide to stay jer kat ofis n do some surfing. But this must not make a habbit.

Esok sy perlu ke Demo Plant. Dah sebulan tak ke sana. Ya Allah.. larat ker saya mengharungi perjalanan pegi balik ke sana.. dan stay di sana dari kol 10pg sampai 5 ptg. Ya Allah.. berilah kekuatan bagiku untuk bekerja esok. Sehari jer.. lepas tu cuti 4 hari.. Alhamdulillah .. boleh rest kat rumah. Semakin berusia semakin sukar pula nak mengharungi keadaan ini. Moga2 Allah sentiasa beri saya kekuatan. Amin...

The update, the CEP, the new friends, The Last Lecture and I

December 2010 was the most unproductive period at work. Apart from the health problem my family and I had, I seemed lost at work. Less motivation, less driving force, although I had my list of task to be completed. Some are less priority, some are too difficult to be done, some stuck half way through, some I simply refuse to do (boleh tak camtu? :)). In short, i think I just lost passion towards my work.

I thought when the new year 2011 came, it will change. Naahhh.. It didn't. So, there goes my January down the drain with very little progress at work. Hmm.. I wonder what did I do in the office. I must be doing NOTHING because I can't remember anything. That's bad!!

February came and I had to attend a 2 weeks leadership course. I was reluctant initially. Why? 1. I heard from participant of previous session saying that the course was boring. 2. I may not be able to go home everyday as the course is packed until late night. 3. I feel old to attend such course...haha. Realizing that everybody will be busy doing preparation for our R&D Day and I don't want to be part of that 'busyness', I decided to attend the course. But I set in my mind to be open, not to have high expectation, to learn and to have fun!!

Well.. I did have fun and learn a lot of things during that course. Got the chance to meet and know and work together with wonderful people from various division of SD. The course content was excellent, and so did the execution of the activities, the facilitators, the speakers. I had the most interesting and fun learning time. The course really motivates me to become a better person... a better leader actually.

I came back from the course telling myself that I want to be different and I want to make a different. It has been 1 week since I came back from the course. I think I am slightly different. Definitely not totally, but at least the way I look at things. One thing for sure is that I miss my new friends, especially my teammates and the time we spent together, which I never thought I will be. Ridzuan - the young enthusiastic Singaporean, Nadia - the pretty young lady with excellent English and a die-hard gym fan, Jag - the tallest & biggest & coolest Singh with favorite tagline 'boleh la boss', and Faiz - the cool and calm gentleman with high potential to become a great leader. They are my teammates.

I foresee that for me to become a better person (I prefer to use 'person' rather than 'leader'), it's not going to be easy. There will be challenges that I have to face, especially at work where the culture is already developed. People are skeptical when they see new change or the people who try to make the change. The biggest challenge I think will be coming from myself. I got to tell myself that although it's not going to be easy, it's not very difficult as well as long as I want to become a better person - POSITIVE and PROACTIVE!!

Today I started to read a book entitle 'The last lecture' by Randy Pausch, which I received at the end of the leadership course because I was voted by the participants as the top 5 leaders. :) Sangat terharu and sangat memberi semangat and peransang. But just after reading the first page, I couldn't help myself crying until I had to stop reading at page 5. Why? The fact that the author wrote the book because he knew that he was dying of cancer and he wanted to leave something as legacy, especially for his family. I was really touched knowing that he was preparing his family to move on with their life without him. He was still considered young, 40++ with 2 sons of age 5 and 2, and a girl of age 1. Can't imagine how his wife went through the days. I can't even imagine my life without my husband and my kids.

Anyway, I must continue to read the book someday. I will try not to get very 'into' the book. I want to learn something from the author and I believe he did leave a legacy in 'The last lecture'.

'Not so good' week

Last week was a 'not so good' week. Adam demam, Amir selsema + batuk yang tak baik2 dah 3 minggu lebih, and I myself got sore throat and lost my voice. I was supposed to go to Japan for a one-week job attachment. But at last minute I had to cancel it because the kids had not recovered. Alhamdulillah syukur sgt2 that Adam was not admitted to hospital, although at one point I was determined to send him to hospital because he didn't want to eat nor drink. Alhamdulillah juga that my boss willing to replace me for that Japan trip (hhmm... not really sure that he actually willing or not.. hehehehe). Alhamdulillah that I don't have to leave my family for a week. Can't imagine leaving them that long even if they are all healthy. I never leave them more than 2 nights. Maybe that's why I can't imagine if I have to leave them longer.

Some people said it is blessing in disguise. Some other people said rugi tak dpt pegi Jepun. Some other pulak berpendapat nasib baik tak pegi jepun. Whatever people said or think.. I am very sure that all these things happened for reason. Hanya Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui. Am I terkilan? Not really. Maybe because I myself was 50-50 when I decided to tell my boss that I can go to Japan if I had to and if he wants me too. I didn't do any preparation except for the Japan visa. Dan akhirnya... Allah menentukan belum masanya saya pergi.

Anyway.. back to office after 1 week there are too many things to be done. As usual I'm having trouble to choose which and where to start with. Already make the task list.. already know which one is more important and/or urgent.. but still don't know where to start with. End up I am here writing on my blog. Very not productive :P

I am thinking of going out for a window shopping and shopping probably on necessary items. Yeah.. got buy some new clothes for Adam since many of his old clothes do not fit anymore. Thinking of buying a new comforter set for the guess room since my sister will use that room during her engagement day just around the corner. Must buy a new pair of sandal for myself. The one that I'm wearing right now are already tore up. Tunggu masa jer nak tercabut. Must find a new nice dustbin for the kitchen as well. The existing one dah hilang penutupnya. Got to buy some stuff for the lab.. polystyrene, white board, papers, etc. Hhmm.. it seems that I have good reason to go for a shopping. But when?

Hari yang kurang bersemangat

Hari ini kurang bersemangat untuk bekerja. kenapa?

1) Dapat tahu kene pergi course 2 minggu
2) Terlupa esok (Sabtu) rupanya kene datang ofis sbb ade company nak buat presentation
3) Ada banyak keje kene buat.. tp tak suka keje2 tu
a) Equipment lease agreement
b) 2 conference report
c) equipment technical spec
4) Mengenangkan kene pegi jepun seminggu bulan depan

Where and What will I be?

Lately I've been thinking and asking myself "what and where will I be in the next 5 - years?", "will I still be working? Or perhaps become a full-time house wife? Or perhaps doing own business?" Sebenarnya bukan baru2 ni jer terfikir soalan2 ni.. tp dah lama. Cuma tak pernah benar2 serius memikirkannya. Maybe because I felt comfortable with the life I went through, the working environment, etc.. that made me feel its not important to think about it seriously.

Sometimes I asked myself "Do I really love this job? Am I really suit with research type of work?" Sometime the answer is 'yes'.. sometimes the answer is 'no'. One think for sure I stayed because I know the experience and knowledge I gain from here will help me to achieve my ambition - to be a lecturer. Whether it will be realized or not.. hanya Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui. But what have I done to accomplish my dream? Hhmm..

What if I don't become a lecture? What is my alternative? Opening a tuition centre is not a bad idea.. at least I can still do some teaching and coaching. Or perhaps run my own business or a family business. But so far I am not into business. I may not be a good businesswoman. 'Business' means 'risk' to me and I am not a risk-taker person. I've once thought of opening a pet shop, which include cat boarding facility and breeding and selling cats. I love cat. But still this idea is considered as a business. Opening a nursery seems a good business nowdays since many woman are working and some are opt not to have (Indonesian) maid (I am one of them .. hehehe). But it has its own risk too.. jaga anak orang tak sama dgn jaga anak sendiri.. Hmmm..

I envy some of my friends who do things that they love such baking, photography, writing. They are so passion about what they are doing and they don't seems bother with extra work. They are so dedicated. Some of them just quit their jobs and open business. They must be so determine of what they want. I wonder if I have such determination and passion? And in what??

I believe if my determination is strong enough I would have further study and completed my Master Degree or PhD so that I can achieve my ambition straight away.. hehehe. If I have passion in one thing I would have concentrate on it and dedicate myself to it. But none of them happened yet.. hehhehehe..

Have I lost motivation or driving force to achieve what I want? Or I don't know what I want in life and what I want to be? Hhmm...

After 4 months

Pejam celik pejam celik.. dah 4 bulan sy bekerja setelah lama bercuti (MC + maternity). Rutin harian yg sgt memenatkan berjaya juga sy tempuhi. So far, kesibukan di tmpt kerja dgn kerja2 yg pending sejak sy bercuti dr bulan Feb lalu sy masih boleh handle, walaupun byk bende yg terpaksa di'recall'. Yg lebih memenatkan ialah nak handle anak2 bila balik dr kerja. Sekarang baru la sy terasa jauhnya ofis sy dr rumah, 47km. Kalo dulu tak terasa sgt. Anyway sy bersyukur sbb perjalanan pergi dan balik ke ofis takde jem atau pun tol. Dlm 45 min boleh sampai ke destinasi.

Dalam 4 bulan ni.. rasanya ok la jugak. Amir dan Adam pun dah boleh bangun awal walaupun kadang2 terpaksa juga dikejutkan. Kol 7-7.30 pagi sy dah hantar Amir & Adam. Kdg2 Adam nak papanya yg hantar. Papanya masuk kerja kol 9.. jadi dia selalu kluar lmbt berbanding sy. Malam pulak byk bergantung kepada Amir. Kalo dia tido awal.. senang skit kerja sy. Tp kalo time dia buat perangai mmg payah la. Most of the time.. sy tidurkan Amir.. sy pun tertido skali.

Hr ni sy x de mood nak buat keje sgt. mungkin sbb selsema.. mungkin jugak sbb tak dpt ape yg sy nak. Sy br dapat notebook baru.. company bg in replace of desktop. Smalam sy dah transfer semua file dlm notebook lama (personal notebook) ke dalam external hard disk untuk dipindahkan dalam notebook baru ni. Tp pagi ni bila sy transfer dlm notebook baru.. ade beberapa folder yg mcm x update. So.. ade sesetengah file yg sy nak x de.. n sy x bleh nak buat keje. Lagi satu yg mungkin mambuatkan sy x de mood nak buat keje ialah sbb broadband. Sy cuba connect kan broadband sy di notebook baru.. tp notebook tak dpt detect. Walhal di notebook sy dulu senang jer.. x payah nak install ape2 pun. Oleh kerana x dapat detect broadband.. maka x dpt la nak check yahoo mail & facebook.

Sepanjang 4 bulan ni.. antara perkara2 yg telah berlaku:

1) Naik pangkat
Alhamdulillah.. sy telah dinaikkan pangkat Senior Engineer. sempena kenaikan pangkat, gaji pun naik la skit. Syukur kepada Allah s.w.t. rezeki utk Amir. Tp naik pangkat juga seiring dgn bebanan kerja. Sejak naik pgkt ni.. byk betul keje sy. Dulu sempat juga sy ber'facebook' time keje.. or ber'blogging'.. or ber'fotopaging'.. dan perkara2 yg x sepatutnya dibuat time kerja. Tp sejak naik pangkat ni.. x de masa langsung. Sbb tu juga la dah lama sy x dpt nak tulis blog.. walaupun hati sy meronta2 nak meluahkan perasaan.

2) Bos baru
Bermula 1 July 2009 (financial year baru), sy dpt bos baru. not really new actually. cuma dia baru di'promote'kan ke manager level. Dulu sy report to big bos (VP I). Tp skang ni x perlu lg sbb senior sy dah dinaikkan pgkat ke AVP 1 .. so sy report pd dia jer. OK skit.. sbb sy segan dgn big bos. dr dulu lg kalo ade ape2 sy slalu citer kat senior sy tu.. nanti dia yg reportkan kat big bos.

3) Puasa & Raya
Puasa tahun ni agak mencabar sbb dah ade 2 org anak. Yg sorg dah pandai minta itu ini.. yg sorg lg lak asyik nak duduk beriba. Jadi.. terpasak berbuka puasa bergilir2. Anyway.. sebulan puasa berjaya ditempuhi.. rasa kejap sgt. Raya aidilfitri lak kami sekeluarga beraya di Bidor.. kg opah belah mama. Alhamdulillah segala berjalan lancar.

4) Kereta baru
Berikutan kemalangan yg sy tempuhi setahun yg lalu.. condition kereta kancil sy dah x tip top lg.. walaupun sudah dibaiki. Memandangkan suami sy berulang ke office nyer di damansara setiap hari.. akhirnya kami trade in jer kancil tu dgn viva baru. ok la skit.. x de la risau sgt suami nak drive.

5) Adam & Amir
Adam kini dah berumur 2 tahun 5 bulan. Dia dah x pakai pampers sejak 2 bulan yg lalu. Dah byk bercakap walaupun pelat. Boleh la diajak berborak dalam kereta. Dah pandai merajuk.. dah pandai menjawab.. dah pandai menyakat adiknya.. dah pandai bergaya dan mcm2 lg. Favorite movie dia skang ni Transfomers 2.. siap kenal lg mana robot baik, mana robot jahat. tp bila nak tido mesti nak tgk Ice Age 2.

Amir lak dah 6 bulan. Dah mula makan nestum n kuat minum susu. Badan x nampak berisi.. tp bleh tahan berat. 2 minggu lepas berat dia 7.2 kg. Dia dah cekap meniarap n menelentang.. kejap jer berguling n pusing2. Dh penah jatuh katil sekali.. sian dia. Dah bergerak ke depan dah.. tp x laju. kalo atas lantai.. laju la sbb licin. Kalo atas tilam slow skit. Amir dah pandai main.. suka senyum.. suka jerit.

6) Kesihatan
Alhamdulillah.. kami dikurniakan kesihatan yg baik. Cuma sejak 3 minggu lepas Amir selsema.. x baik2 sampai skang. Batuk sejak seminggu lepas. Adam pun selsema n batuk.. tp dah beransur pulih. Amir ni yg sy risaukan. Mlm2 asyik batuk x berhenti2 .. tp x de bunyi kahak. Plan nak bawak specialist hr jumaat ni.

Hmm.. ape lg yer. cukup lah dulu. panjang2 kan x bleh nak upload lak.. penat jer mengarang. huhuhu

1st day Working

Yesterday was my 1st day at work after a long leave, 18 weeks - 9 weeks of medical leave + 9 weeks of maternity leave. Lama giler. Some of my friends harus la jeles kan.. huhuhu. Seawal 6 pg lg sy dah bgn bersiap.. bukan sbb bersemangat nak pergi kerja. Tp sbb byk bende nak kene buat. Pukul 7 sy dah kluar rmh hantar Adam dan Amir ke rmh K.Wati. Alhamdulillah Adam x byk kerenah pg smalam. Perjalanan ke ofis terasa sgt memenatkan..maklumlah dah lama sy x drive long distance. Sampai jer ofis pening gler kepala ni. Mungkin sbb pencahayaan yg terang dan mungkin juga sbb driving lama. Sy sampai ofis awal juga.. kol 8 tepat. Kira awal la tu... sbb sy mmg terkenal dgn dtg lmbt sblum2 ni :)

Di ofis pg2 lg En Faisal dah dtg jumpa sy utk discuss pasal KPI. Patutnya sy yg pegi jumpa dia. ni.. boss lak dtg jumpa sy..huhuhu. Lepas tu dia ajak pegi East Oil Mill utk jumpa 2 trainee student yg baru masuk bwh jagaan kitorang. Aduh.. 1st day dah kene gi mill. Sib baik x lama. Mata sy dah la mengantuk x cukup tido. Kalo sblum ni kalo x cukup tido waktu mlm pun.. siang masih bleh rehat. Tp ni kat ofis.. nak rehat camne pun. Dah la malam sblum tu pun Amir buat perangai susah tido lg. Dr kol 8.30 sy dok mendodoikan dia.. kol 10.30 br dia tido. Tgh mlm lak x lena tido nyer.. asyik gelisah jer. Tu yg sy jd x cukup tido tu. Balik dr mill sy habiskan masa mengemas tmpt sy yg bersepah. Buku2, document2, mcm2 la atas meja berdebu tak diusik sejak sekian lama. Lama jugak sy mengemas meja, locker , buat filing document, dll. Kira smalam mmg x mula kerja sgt lg lah. Pastu sy chatting dgn kwn lama.. huhuhu.

Kol 5.15 sy kluar dr ofir dan terus amik Adam n Amir di rmh babysitter. Kemudian balik rumah jap amik stroller Amir dan jln kaki bwk diorg ke playground tmn perumahan kami. Saje jer jln kaki.. dpt exercise skit. Balik rmh dah dekat jam 7. Sy melayan anak2 sementara tunggu hubby balik kerja. Adam time2 camni la dia byk kerenah nak itu ini. Jenuh la nak pujuk dia. Skang dia ni kalo nak sesuatu.. time tu gak dia nak. Kdg2 sy jd x bleh nak handle. Mlm lak lepas sy siap2 mandi n solat.. sy tidokan Amir. Spt mlm sblum nyer dia buat perangai susah nak ditidokan lg. Padahal mata dia dah ngantuk.. byk kali menguap. Lena kat riba tp bila letak jer terjaga balik. Last2 dia tido dlm pelukan sy lebih kurang kol 10.30 gak la. Agaknya ni la perangai baru Amir bila masuk 2 bulan.

Kesimpulannya.. I had a very extremely tiring and exhausting day yesterday. Kpl sy pening dr pg sampai la ke mlm. Bdn sakit2 mcm dah lama x exercise. Bdn pun panas mcm demam jer. Mlm lak x cukup tido. Makan mlm x menentu waktu. Masa dgn hubby n Adam jd terhad sbb byk masa dihabiskan utk menidurkan Amir. Melihatkan jadual sy smalam membuatkan sy terfikir lg ttg idea utk berhenti kerja. Sy rasa mcm x mampu nak melalui kehidupan spt smalam. Tgk lah camne.. mungkin hr ni lebih baik dr smalam ..

MS Project 2007 Training dan Cita-citaku

Smalam saya menghadiri internal training on Microsoft Project 2007 for R&D Executives. Instructor training ni cuma R&D exec dr company kitorg yg baru jer attend MS Project Training last month. Honestly sy rasa agak boring jugak la training ni.. walaupun instructor2 nya adalah org2 yg sy kenal. Basically training yg sy pegi smalam cuma untuk ajar user guna software MS Project 2007. Pada sy the software is just a tool that assist us to develop a gantt chart dgn more detail. All this while kitorang buat gantt chart pakai Microsoft Excel jer. Pada pendapat sy apa yg lebih penting ialah how to plan and manage your project. Kalo tak tahu nak plan project, our gantt chart sama jer no mater buat guna Excel of MS Project. Knowledge on project management perlu ada. It will definitely help us to fully utilize the MS Project software. Otherwise byk juga bende yg kita tak tahu /tak faham nape perlu set itu dan ini.

Sy juga agak kecewa dgn training ni. Material x teratur.. notes pun x de.. mcm x properly plan. Instructor pun adakalanya x dpt nak terangkan dgn jelas apa yg ditanya. Tp x de la sy nak salahkan diorg sgt.. sbb diorg pun baru belajar guna software tu. Dan diorg pun bukan cikgu/trainer. Tp sy rasa kalo diorg lebih bersedia.. mungkin penyampaian ilmu tu lebih berkesan.

Hmm.. rasa rindu pulak zaman masa jd tutor dulu. Sy suka mengajar. Sy suka berkongsi ilmu. Sy rasa puas bila dpt ajar org lain bende yg sy faham. Dan sy sanggup belajar bende baru demi nak ajar org lain. Mmg cita2 sy nak jd lecturer.. tp bila mengenangkan nak kena sambung belajar.. rasa cam jauh n lambat jer lg cita2 sy tu nak tercapai. Sy suka buat research.. tp sy x suka buat thesis.. so how?? Camne nak buat Master n PhD kalo camtu? Bila dah berkeluarga ni bertambah2 la cabaran nak sambung belajar. Kalo la determination sy betul2 kuat.. Insya-Allah sy bleh buat. Tp.. kuat ker determination sy ni? :P

Trip ke India

Fuh!!!! Lega rasanya. Pagi ni PA boss besar sy call bagitau yg sy tak perlu ke India. Alhamdulillah... Sy pasti ade hikmahnya. 2 hari lepas sy diberitahu bahawa sy dan beberapa chief scientist yg lain akan mengikut boss besar ke India akhir bulan ni. Terkejut sy. Dah la dlm group tu sy sorg pompuan.. yg paling muda lak tu... junior scientist la katakan. Pelik jugak sy nape nama sy pulak yg naik. Diorg kata sbb sy incharge biodiesel research. Dan rombongan ke India tu nak visit Jatropha plantation dan biofuel research centre kat sana. Mungkin ade kaitannya.. tp sy rasa ade org lain yg lebih layak dan patut pergi berbanding sy. Oleh kerana masalah passport sy tak settle lg.. smalam sy bergegas menyelesaikan urusan passport di immigresen Shah Alam. Alhamdulillah passport dpt disiapkan by tghari. Dan smalam juga sy dah sign borang visa India di pejabat boss besar.

Namun pg ni.. bila PA boss besar call untuk inform yg sy tak perlu menyertai rombongan tu, sy rasa sgt2 lega. Tak perlu la sy runsing nak meninggalkan anak dan suami lagi. Lepas diberitahu 2 hr lepas.. kepala ni dok asyik terkenang camne la nanti Adam tido dgn papa dia. Dah la Adam tu manja dgn sy. Meninggalkan Adam adalah perkara paling susah utk dilakukan. Selain dr tu.. sy rasa lega jugak sbb tak perlu risau mengenai kesihatan dan ke'larat'an sy nanti. Sebenarnya sy pn tak yakin sy akan larat nak berjalan2 masa visit tu nanti. Sedangkan skang ni pun sy slalu sakit2 pinggang dan cepat penat. Skang ni baru 6 bulan. By the time pegi India nanti, kandungan sy dah nak masuk 7 bulan. Tp.. sy dah tak perlu risau psl sumer tu lg... sbb sy tak perlu pergi India :)

Namunbegitu.. dlm masa yg sama sy turut ada rasa sedikit kecewa dan terkilan. 1 - sbb sy dah susah2 pegi buat passport dan kluarkan RM300 smalam. Tak tau la bleh claim ker tak saya buat passport tu. Kalo ikutkan buat passport untuk urusan kerja boleh claim. Tp ni dah tak jadi pergi.. bleh claim ker eh?. 2 - terlepas peluang ke India.. negara yg belum sy jejaki. Ntah bila lg dpt peluang ke oversea ditanggung oleh company. hehehe.. nak pegi guna duit sendiri.. lama lg nampak gayanya. 3 - terlepas peluang belajar sesuatu yg baru. Org kata jauh berjalan luas pandangan. Ade sesetengah perkara tak boleh dipelajari dr buku jer. Peluang ke oversea ni pun penting utk career ladder sy dlm company ni. Apa2 pun.. bukan rezeki sy kali ni. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yg terbaik untuk hambaNya.

Oleh kerana sy tak jadi ke India, maka boleh la kami sekeluarga menyertai our Family Day di Ayer Tawar 24hb nanti. Yey!!! Seronok dapat berkumpul ramai2.. jumpa ahli keluarga yg lain. Dah lama tak jumpa diorg.. ramai juga yg blum tau sy mengandung.. huhuhuhu

Algae World 08 & Baby on the Way

Bulan lepas saya telah mengikuti satu international conference (Algae World 2008) in Singapore. Pertama kali saya diberi peluang menyertai international conference di luar Malaysia. Kalo ikutkan sejarah company ni, junior exec (below 3 yrs) mmg de peluang nak pegi conference kat oversea. Tp alhamdulillah rezeki saya. tambahan lak conference tu bersifat teknikal dan merupakan topik research projek sy. Byk yg sy pelajari ketika di sana. Balik dr conference berserabut otak berfikir camne nak buat report. Ilmu n info yg sy dpt dr conference tu pun tidak tersusun dgn baik dlm otak ni. Ni dah masuk 3 minggu, tp report x siap lg... huhuhu... harap2 dapat siapkan hr ni. hehehhe.. tp 2 minggu lepas pun bende yg sama sy katakan.. hehehe..

Saat nak meninggalkan Adam n Papa kat KLIA rasa nak menangis.. tapi kalo Adam nampak mama dia nangis, sure dia nangis skali.. huhuhu

Masa pergi Singapore tu.. first time la tinggalkan Adam selama 2 mlm. Kesian dia. Hubby kata Adam dok panggil2 'mama'.. nak tido pggil.. bgn tido pggil.. yer la.. sejak lahir x pernah lg sy tinggalkan dia kecuali waktu kerja. kalo kene outstation jauh pun.. sy berusaha balik ke rumah hr yg sama. penat mmg la penat. tp x sampai hati la nak tinggalkan dia. Tmbahan lak Adam menyusu badan. Sejak sy tahu sy nak kene pergi Singapore.. sy dah mula train Adam minum susu botol. Sblum ni kat rumah babysitter dia ok jer minum susu dlm botol. Cuma bila dok dgn sy jer dia ngada2. Bermula raya aidilfitri yg lepas.. start reduce bg susu bdn. Alhamdulillah by the time sy pegi Singapore hr tu dia dah mula minum susu di botol sepenuhnya. Cuma kdg2 tu dia ngada2 nak juga susu bdn. Nak lepas gian la tu.. heheheh..

Beberapa pemandangan di Singapore yang sempat diambil... tak sempat nak jalan ke mana-mana pun.

Ade kemungkinan bulan januari ni kene ke jepun pulak utk projek bioethanol. Tp x confirm lg sbb dengar2 citer projek tu ditangguhkan. Sy sbenarnya teringin juga nak ke sana. Tujuannya nak belajar jer. Dgn org2 Jepun ni.. kdg2 diorg x reveal sumer information walaupun kita dah sign agreement. Sbb tu sy rasa penting utk pergi sana n lihat sendiri technology diorg. Tp pd masa yg sama sy berat hati juga kalo terpaksa pergi. Kalo kene pergi mungkin dekat seminggu juga. Camne la nak kene tinggalkan Adam lg. Tmbahan pulak masa tu kndungan dah masuk 6 bulan. Skang ni pun sy rasa dah x larat.. mcm dah ngandung 8 bulan. Camne la bila perut makin besar nanti. Lain betul la mngandung yg 2nd one ni. Asyik sakit2 jer. Risau jugak.

Hari sabtu lepas pergi monthly check-up. Doctor kata mungkin baby girl.. tp x confirm lg.. sbb position baby masa scan tu agak menyukarkan keadaan melihat jantina baby. Kalo betul la girl.. best nyer. Mmg berharap dpt baby girl. Org kata anak pompuan ni senang skit nak jaga masa kecik. Tp bila dah besar nanti.. susah nak jaga. Anyway bila dia besar nanti ade la anak pompuan nk tolong2 buat kerja rumah. Anak laki pulak susah jaga masa kecik.. dah besar nanti senang. Tp kalo rezeki dpt boy jugak.. sy terima. Janji sihat.. sempurna fizikal dan akalnya.. alhamdulillah.

R&D Day and MC

Last night I was informed by my boss (thru sms) that I was nominated to be co-MC for the R&D Day. I was not surprised, but more disappointed. Earlier, about 2 days ago, I was told by the head of my sub-committee of R&D Day, that I was nominated as back-up MC. I didn’t agree. But what can I say? I was nominated by my Director. I can’t refuse to take the task, or else I won’t get any bonus this coming July. Furthermore we just had our appraisal last 2 weeks. Arrrgghh..

I wonder why Mr Director nominated me. I have no experience being MC. I am still new with the company. 2 years is still considered junior executive. I proved nothing to him that I can be an MC. I don’t know if can deliver the task. In fact I have not yet deliver the article he asked me to write. How can he nominated me to handle for such big event, where Tun Musa Hitam, Dato Seri Zubir and Dato Azhar will be the guests of honour. There are many others who capable of being MC, those with fluent English, not me. Aarrrrgghh..

I’m not just worried about delivering the task. Preparation is another thing. Who will prepare the script? I am taking a 1 week leave the whole next week. My baby sitter is taking a leave from Monday to Wednesday, and we are going back to my hubby’s kampong on Tuesday’s night till Sunday. We have bought flight ticket for that, which we had planned much earlier. Its RM400 tau!!! The worst thing is there will be a full rehearsal on Friday, where we will be still in kampong. We can’t just cancel the ticket. If we want to change the date, we have to pay few hundreds more. And that is why my hubby was so upset last nite. I am extremely upset too. I don’t know what to do. I am trapped!!!

I once was advised by my boss. He said “if the company calls u to come to work, even during the weekend or during your holiday, you must come back”. At that time we were asked to come on Sunday to work because some VIP wanted to visit our labs. But I didn’t show up because we were in kampong. What a coincident. Everytime balik kampong also. So this time, I have no reason to refuse.

The only solution I can think about right now is come back earlier. We will still go back to Kelantan on Tuesday night, but my son and I will come back to Sepang on Friday morning, so that I can still attend the rehearsal, and know what to do on Monday the R&D Day. I hope its worth for what I am sacrificing.

Article and Innovation Workshop

When I was asked by my SVP I to write an article about a workshop I attended, to be published in our company bulletin, I was surprised. I was wondering if he actually wanted to send the instruction (thru sms) to somebody else, instead of me. He was one of the observers in the workshop. I guess maybe he instructed me because among the participants, I was the most junior executive he knows. I kinda worried initially. I don’t know if I could write a good article. My English is terrible, very straight forward, with limited vocabulary. Blogging wouldn’t be that difficult as I can just mix up the Malay-English anywhere anytime I feel like doing so. But writing an article is different, especially for a company bulletined. I just hope that I’ll manage to write something that meets my boss’s expectation. Bak kata one of Akademi Fantasia’s participants, Nadia – “Redah ajerr”. By hook or by crook, I must write something. It is an order. It has been a week since the 2-days workshop ended. But I haven’t started to write anything yet. How????

Plan ke German

Hari ni pagi2 lg dah rasa sedih.. sampai jer kat ofis En Faisal bgtau yg plan training 4 bulan di German on balik. Ingatkan ED postpone plan tu sbb merger. tup tap tup tap.. dia on balik plan tu. risau nyer kalo kene pegi sana 4 bulan. camne dgn Adam nanti? dah la adam skang ni manja sgt.. dah mcm katak pisang nak melekat jer. dah la dia kecik lg.. baru 6 bulan.. x putus susu pn lg. kalo kene gi German camne dia nanti? mlm2 kalo dia terjaga mesti nangis2. dah la dgn papa dia pun dia x nak. camne ni???

nak tolak rugi.. n for sure dpt bad reputation n impression pd ED. nak pulak pas merger ni senang2 jer SD nak buang org. kalo tolak lg la senang alasan diorg x nak renew contract. tp kalo terima.. camne adam? just cant imagine my life without him. nak tinggalkan semalam pn dah susah hati. inikan kene tinggal 4 bulan. camne kalo balik2 nanti dia x ingat mama dia ni? 4 bulan bukan sekejap.

kalo pegi attachment 2-3 tahun ok la.. bleh bawak family. tp kalo 4 bulan ni.. bukan dpt permit kerja pun. camne nak bawak family? kalo nak bawa adam pn mesti nak kene bawak sorg lg utk jaga adam time keje. sape yg nak dibawak? aduh.. sakitnya kepala pikir mende ni.. sesak nyer dada.. takut nyer kalo ED panggil utk bgtau pasal ni. harap2 en faisal la kene pegi. dia laki.. senang. x yah nak pikir psl anak tinggal kat sape. sah2 wife dia jaga. tp pompuan bukan senang2 bleh tinggal anak

aduh.. sakit nyer .. rasa nak balik skang ni gak.. nak main2 dgn adam. already missing him.