Where and What will I be?

Lately I've been thinking and asking myself "what and where will I be in the next 5 - years?", "will I still be working? Or perhaps become a full-time house wife? Or perhaps doing own business?" Sebenarnya bukan baru2 ni jer terfikir soalan2 ni.. tp dah lama. Cuma tak pernah benar2 serius memikirkannya. Maybe because I felt comfortable with the life I went through, the working environment, etc.. that made me feel its not important to think about it seriously.

Sometimes I asked myself "Do I really love this job? Am I really suit with research type of work?" Sometime the answer is 'yes'.. sometimes the answer is 'no'. One think for sure I stayed because I know the experience and knowledge I gain from here will help me to achieve my ambition - to be a lecturer. Whether it will be realized or not.. hanya Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui. But what have I done to accomplish my dream? Hhmm..

What if I don't become a lecture? What is my alternative? Opening a tuition centre is not a bad idea.. at least I can still do some teaching and coaching. Or perhaps run my own business or a family business. But so far I am not into business. I may not be a good businesswoman. 'Business' means 'risk' to me and I am not a risk-taker person. I've once thought of opening a pet shop, which include cat boarding facility and breeding and selling cats. I love cat. But still this idea is considered as a business. Opening a nursery seems a good business nowdays since many woman are working and some are opt not to have (Indonesian) maid (I am one of them .. hehehe). But it has its own risk too.. jaga anak orang tak sama dgn jaga anak sendiri.. Hmmm..

I envy some of my friends who do things that they love such baking, photography, writing. They are so passion about what they are doing and they don't seems bother with extra work. They are so dedicated. Some of them just quit their jobs and open business. They must be so determine of what they want. I wonder if I have such determination and passion? And in what??

I believe if my determination is strong enough I would have further study and completed my Master Degree or PhD so that I can achieve my ambition straight away.. hehehe. If I have passion in one thing I would have concentrate on it and dedicate myself to it. But none of them happened yet.. hehhehehe..

Have I lost motivation or driving force to achieve what I want? Or I don't know what I want in life and what I want to be? Hhmm...